The Vanishing Tower

Subject: The Vanishing Tower Fri Sep 25, 2009 7:57 am

Write a story about how Galen Longbeard and Max the spider troll became friends.
Use and underline 10 words from your vocabulary list from chapter 5.

Name	Written	Do Again	Do Again	FINISH
Luke	ㅁ	X	X	X
Hyeon-Jin	ㅁ	X	X	Good
Andy	X	X	X	X
Sang-Jun	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X

Posts : 23 Join date : 2009-09-28

One day there was a spider max. Max saw a big tower. Inside was a man wearing a long robe. But max could not be friend because"you'r nose is puged nose."So max was sad. Max made a friend name was leep.She whined alot. Max warned "don't be friends with galen." In the tower galen saw a ordinary spider. He couldn't talk with him so he chirped then the spider bit him so he was angry. One day he ate a walnut. So he know how to make friend. He saw leep ahd max was playing he interrupted and capture the leep so galen squeak so the leep told galen is a good friend so max made two friend.

Subject: Feedback for Hyeon-Jin Thu Oct 22, 2009 2:34 pm

Hyeon-Jin wrote:: One day there was a spider max. Max saw a big tower. Inside was a man wearing a long robe. [1]But max could not be friend because"you'r nose is puged nose." So max was sad. [2]Max made a friend name was leep. She whined alot. Max warned "don't be friends with galen." In the tower galen saw a ordinary spider. He couldn't talk with him so he chirped then the spider bit him so he was angry. One day he ate a walnut. So he know how to make friend. He saw leep ahd max was playing he interrupted and capture the leep so galen [3]squeak so the leep told galen is a good friend so max made two friend.

Hello Hyeon-Jin.

I like your story. You have a good idea well done. I wish you would have written more because I think this could have been an even better story.

Look at all the bolded words. These words are the names of people.
Remember! All names need to have a capital letter at the beginning.

If the word is underlined that means you have a spelling mistake. If the word is ~~striked~~ that means to erase the word.

[1] But max could not be friend because"you'r nose is puged nose." >> But max could not be ______ friend because "You'r nose is puged ~~nose~~."
[2] "Max made a friend name was leep." You do not need the 'be' verb after the word 'name'. Change the verb 'name' to the past tense.
[3] I really don't understand this part. You need to write it again.

If you want ot fox your writing make a new post.

Posts : 22 Join date : 2009-09-28

Galen Longbeard the first wizard of droon was walking through the woods. Suddenly, he saw a creature looked like a prisoner. It was a spider troll. Galen introduce him to the spider. THe spider intruduced himself , too. He was from the anceantAmerica. Galen grabbed him and captured him to his tower. Galen the spider struggled.He had a pug nose. Galen cupped. They became good friends. Galen named the spider troll MAX. Galen teached Max English. He want to not hear Max chirp and chitter. He also tell about secret fortreses and realms. Later, they became True Friends.

Posts : 15 Join date : 2009-11-29

long time ago Galen is walk the forest. Suddnely wind king come th Galen and said to Galen. "go to North" and
Galen but there is sea. so Galen make magic carpet and go to North "Zoom!"
Wow! Galen saw ancient building. and Galen saw spider's pug.
Beyond there is spider it whined and Galen said "warning"
He behold it and take to Galen's house. Spider is stroke him and whined. and Galen said I'm not heart you.
He make madicene and put in a cup. give the spider. Galen make his name called Max and Galen use magic and
his head changed people's head.