Write On page 13

Subject: Write On page 13 Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:13 pm

Pick another title from D. Or think of your own. Then write a story that fits your title.

Remember your capital letters, and punctuation (. / , / ? / !).

Name	1st writing	2nd writing	Grade
Kelly	do again	Very good	Very Good
Lisa	do again	do again	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name
Name
Name
Name
Name
Name

FBC = feedback coming
TBG = to be graded

Posts : 23 Join date : 2009-09-29

One day Annie went playground. It was very cold. Then green snow came down. Annie was surprised. It was fun.Annie thought 'next time it snows maybe it will be green snow again'.

Subject: Feedback for Kelly Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:21 pm

Kelly Kim wrote:: One day Annie went [___] [____] playground. It was very cold. Then green snow came down. Annie was surprised. It was fun.Annie thought 'next time it snows maybe it will be green snow again'.

This is a good work Kelly! This is a very nice story. Good work!

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Write your new writing in another post.

Posts : 23 Join date : 2009-09-29

One day Annie went to the playground. It was very cold. Then green snow came down. Annie was surprised. It was fun.Annie thought 'next time it snows maybe it will be green snow again'.

Subject: Final Feedback for Kelly Wed Feb 17, 2010 4:11 pm

Kelly Kim wrote:: One day Annie went to the playground. It was very cold. Then green snow came down. Annie was surprised. It was fun. Annie thought 'next time it snows maybe it will be green snow again'.

Excellent work Kelly! I am very happy with what you have written. Good work!

'Next

Posts : 16 Join date : 2009-09-29

On a Sunday, Sally is going park with family. In the afternoon white snow come. Sally is happy. her mother and father and Sally making snowman and her mother and father and Sally do a snow fight Sally is win She is happy.

Subject: Feedback for Lisa Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:27 pm

Lisa Jeong wrote:: On a Sunday, Sally is going [__] [__] park with [her] family. In the afternoon white snow come. Sally is happy. her mother[,] ~~and~~ father and [her] making [___] snowman and her mother[,] ~~and~~ father and [her] do a snow [ball] fight [and] Sally is win[__] She is happy.

I like your story Lisa. It is very interesting. Remember your punctuation and capital letters. Also your verbs should be in the past tense (yesterday) try to fix all your verbs. Do not change your story. Please fix your mistakes in another post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Posts : 16 Join date : 2009-09-29

On a Sunday , Sally going to the park with her family . In the afternoon white snow come .Sally is happy . Her mother,father and Her making a snowman and her mother ,Father and her do snowballfight and Sally win She is happy

Subject: Second feedback for Lisa Mon Mar 01, 2010 4:51 pm

Lisa Jeong wrote:: On a Sunday, Sally going to the park with her family. In the afternoon white snow come.Sally is happy. Her mother, father and ]Her making a snowman and ~~her mother, Father and her~~ [__] do [__] snowballfight and Sally win[.] She is happy

Very good effort Lisa. I hope you keep working hard.

Your story happened yesterday, so ALL your verbs should be in the past tense. Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

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