| | Write On page 7 |  |
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Admin
Admin
Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
 |  Subject: Write On page 7  Wed Feb 03, 2010 2:35 pm | |
| On another sheet of paper, write 2 paragraphs. Write one paragraph about something that truly happened. Write the other paragraph about something you can imagine might happen. Write "I imagine" above the make-believe paragraph. Write "This really happened" above the paragraph that is true.| Name | 1st writing | 2nd writing | Grade | | Luke | do again | XXX | XXX | | Hyeon-Jin | do again | do again | XXX | | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | | Name | | | | | Name | | | | | Name | | | | | Name | | | | | Name | | | | | Name | | | |
FBC = feedback coming
TBG = to be graded
Last edited by Admin on Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:32 pm; edited 6 times in total | |
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Hyeon-Jin
Posts : 23
Join date : 2009-09-28
| | Subject: I got lost in the swimming pool Fri Feb 05, 2010 5:57 pm | |
| I Imagine
I was lost in the swimming pool. I raned all around the swimming pool. I looked inside the restaurant and yelled mummy. There was no answer so I went to the bathroom and yelled again. I went home crying.
It really happened
I woke up late and I ate little of bread and jam. Then I got ready to go and walked to school. Then I forgot to get my key so I ran home and walked fast to school. I was late so I got punnish.
Last edited by Hyeon-Jin on Wed Mar 03, 2010 12:35 pm; edited 5 times in total | |
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Admin
Admin
Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| | Subject: Feeback for Hyeon-Jin Mon Feb 08, 2010 2:14 pm | |
| - Hyeon-Jin wrote:
- I Imagine
I got lost in the swimming pool. I raned all around the swimming pool. I looked inside the restaurant and yelled mummy. there was no answer so I went to the bathroom and yelled again. i cryed and went home.
It really happened
I woke up late and I ate [___] little of breakfast. then i got ready to go and walked to school. then I forgot to get my key so I ran home and walk fast to school. I was late so I got punnish ment. This is a good effort Hyeon-Jin. I see your two paragraphs and they are neatly marked. Well done!
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]
Write your new writing in another post.
Last edited by Admin on Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:48 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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Luke1502
Posts : 22
Join date : 2009-09-28
| | Subject: Re: Write On page 7 Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:37 am | |
| I imagine
I got lost in a shopping mall.I called mommy again and again and again.But there was no answer. I was truley trapped.Then I saw my mommy standing in a corner!I ran to her.
Things that really happened
I was running slow with my eye closed.Then I I walked to a brick near by!I crashed in That place.My eye was round blood, like a blooding smearball.I hate that day, I think. | |
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Admin
Admin
Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| | Subject: Feedback for Luke Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:24 am | |
| - Luke1502 wrote:
- I imagine
I got lost in a shopping mall.I called "mommy" again and again and again. But there was no answer. I was truley trapped.Then I saw my mommy standing in a corner!I ran to her.
Things that really happened
I was running slow with my eye closed.Then I I walked to a brick [_____] near by! I crashed in That place. My eye was round blood, like a blooding smearball.I hate that day, I think. Very good work Luke. I see your two paragraphs and they are neatly marked. Your stories are well interesting. What is a "smearball"?
My eye was round blood, = There was blood around my eye
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]
Write your new writing in another post. | |
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Hyeon-Jin
Posts : 23
Join date : 2009-09-28
| | Subject: fixing Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:00 pm | |
| Imagine
I was lost in the swimming pool. I run all around the swimming pool. I looked inside the restaurant and the out side. I went to the bath room
and yelled mummy. But there was no answer. so I went home crying.
Last edited by Hyeon-Jin on Sun Mar 14, 2010 8:43 am; edited 2 times in total | |
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Admin
Admin
Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| | Subject: Second Feedback for Hyeon-Jin Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:27 pm | |
| - Hyeon-Jin wrote:
- Imagine
I was lost in the swimming pool. I run all around the swimming pool. I looked inside the restaurant and the out side. I went to the bath room and yelled "Mummy!". But there was no answer[. So I went to the bathroom and yelled mummy but there was no answer] so I went home crying. This is a good effort at trying to fix your mistakes Hyeon-Jin. Try one more time and DO NOT FORGET the second part of your writing 'IT REALLY HAPPENED".
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]
Write your new writing in another post. | |
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Luke1502
Posts : 22
Join date : 2009-09-28
| | Subject: Re: Write On page 7 Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:46 pm | |
| I imagine.
I got lost in a shopping mall.I called "mommy" again and again and again.But there was no answer. I was truley trapped.Then I saw my mommy standing at a corner! I ran to her.
really happened.
I was running slow with my eye closed.Then I walked to a sharp brick wall near by.I crashed on the brick.My eye was round blood, like a blooding smearball.I hate that day, I think. | |
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