| Chapter Five | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Chapter Five Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:22 am | |
| Write a descriptive story of the Baudelaire children’s walk back home from the bank. Use and underline 20 words from the Chapter 5 vocabulary list.Name | 1st feedback | 2nd feedback | Grade | Harold | Done | XXX | XXX | Hye-Jin | Done | XXX | XXX | Peter | XXX | XXX | XXX | Hyeon-Joong | XXX | XXX | XXX | Yoon-Ah | XXX | XXX | XXX | Name | | | | Name | | | | Name | | | | Name | | | | Name | | | | TBG = to be graded FBC = feedback coming
Last edited by Admin on Tue Dec 08, 2009 6:43 pm; edited 4 times in total | |
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Harold
Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: Walking Home......(1st draft) Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:00 pm | |
| After stalking out of the bank, they drank another refreshing sip of water in front of the Trustworthy Bank. They glanced at Mr. Poe's bank one more time, all stunned, and Violet with frustration. Still, the Banking District was hustling and bustling. Then Klaus said "We just can't adjustourselves to horrid Count Olaf." Then Violet said "Let's just go back to our house which we are not faithful to it." She said like a complaint. "Yeah, I just wish we could get out of this predicament." Klaus said. Just then Sunny said "Kiko!" which meant look at the clown there!" "What's the real meanig of posthaste?" Klaus said. "Dunno......" Violet replied. As they ran through the road, Violet wished Justice Strauss could adopt them for real. Then she thought of books again. She wished she could run faster, invigorated by her thinking. As they ran, they met the person from the Subservient Bank. They saw men chopping wood. Then she remembered Count Olaf striking Klaus across the face, inpulsively and intimidately. Then they were at their Count Olaf's house. | |
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Hye-Jin
Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: On the bus (1st draft) Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:01 pm | |
| It had consisted an a.c but it brokeA man got up.The man was trying to intiminate the children the children made him stun.They slept.they got invigorated and refreshed Sunny criedthey adjusted Sunny.Klaus urgent wanted to go to the toilet.Violet thought some thing wierd.The bus past a maple tree she figrated it in to a elephant. Then a wierd person came in the bus. he sat next to Violet he talked and talked and talked. and he also usheredHis speaking was bad,so itwas not literaly.But they were predicament to him . | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: First Feedback for Harold Tue Dec 08, 2009 2:26 pm | |
| - Harold wrote:
- After stalking out of the bank, they drank another refreshing sip of water in front of the Trustworthy Bank. They glanced at Mr. Poe's bank one more time, all stunned, and Violet with frustration. Still, the Banking District was hustling and bustling. Then Klaus said "We just can't adjustourselves to horrid Count Olaf." Then Violet said "Let's just go back to our house which we are not faithful to it." She said like a complaint. "Yeah, I just wish we could get out of this predicament." Klaus said. Just then Sunny said "Kiko!" which meant look at the clown there!" "What's the real meanig of posthaste?" Klaus said. "Dunno......" Violet replied. [1]As they ran through the road, Violet wished Justice Strauss could adopt them for real. Then she thought of books again. She wished she could run faster, invigorated by her thinking. As they ran, they met the person from the Subservient Bank. They saw men chopping wood. Then she remembered Count Olaf striking Klaus across the face, inpulsively and intimidately. Then they were at their Count Olaf's house.
This is well done Harold. Your story rolls farily well in time. The reader is not confused because the events seem to happen in a good chronological order. Great work!
When looking at fixing your story you need to start from "Just then Sunny said "Kiko !"which meant look at the clown there!" "What's the real meanig of posthaste?" Klaus said. "Dunno......" Violet replied. I don't know why these two sentences are written. They do not add information to the story. Quite contrarily, they add confusion becuase they aren't important elements to your story. I want you to add information around these sentences. Why does Sunny point to the clown? WQhy does Klaus ask the meaning of 'posthaste'?
[1] As they ran through the road > as they ran across the road.
Look at your spelling.
Write your second draft in a new post. | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: First feedback for Hye-Jin Tue Dec 08, 2009 6:43 pm | |
| - Hye-Jin wrote:
- It had consisted an a.c but it brokeA man got up.The man was trying to intiminate the children the children made him stun.They slept.they got invigorated and refreshed Sunny criedthey adjusted Sunny.Klaus urgent wanted to go to the toilet.Violet thought some thing wierd.The bus past a maple tree she figrated it in to a elephant. Then a wierd person came in the bus. he sat next to Violet he talked and talked and talked. and he also usheredHis speaking was bad,so itwas not literaly.But they were predicament to him .
I am sorry to say this Hye-Jin, but I really do not understand your story. Let me try to clarify the question for you.
Violet, Klaus and Sunny are returning home after speaking with Mr. Poe. What do they see on their return trip back home?
I am looking forward to reading your second draft in your new post. | |
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Harold
Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: Walking Home...... Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:11 am | |
| After stalking out of the bank, they drank another refreshing sip of water in front of the Trustworthy Bank. They glanced at Mr. Poe's bank one more time, all stunned, and Violet with frustration. Still, the Banking District was hustling and bustling. Then Klaus said "We just can't adjust ourselves to horrid Count Olaf." Then Violet said "Let's just go back to our house which we are not faithful to it." She said like a complaint. "Yeah, I just wish we could get out of this predicament." Klaus said. Just then Sunny said "Kiko!" which meant look at the weird clown who looks like Olaf!" Klaus was a little comfused about 'posthaste' "What's the real meanig of posthaste?" Klaus said. "Dunno......" Violet replied. As they ran across the road, Violet wished Justice Strauss could adopt them for real. Then she thought of books again. She wished she could run faster, invigorated by her thinking. As they ran, they met the person from the Subservient Bank. They saw men chopping wood. Then she remembered Count Olaf striking Klaus across the face, inpulsively and intimidately. Then they were at their Count Olaf's house. | |
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Hye-Jin
Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: the bus Tue Jan 05, 2010 3:48 pm | |
| It had consisted an air conditioner but it broke. A man got up the seat.The man was trying to intiminate the children the children made him stun.They slept.They got invigorated and refreshed Sunny cried bthey adjusted Sunny.Klaus urgent wanted to go to the toilet so the bus stopped for him.The bus past a maple tree she figrated it in to a parrot. Then a wierd person came in the bus and sat next to the stunned man. he talked and talked.and he also ushered his speaking was bad,so it was not literaly.But they were predicament to him . | |
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Olivia Kirwin
Posts : 9 Join date : 2013-05-31
| Subject: Re: Chapter Five Wed Jun 12, 2013 6:08 am | |
| When they they walked back from the bank, 1 strange things happened. When they were walk and talking , Sunny look at someone and got hypnosis and she walked over to her. But every body was hypnosis and only Klaus and Violet was not. So when Sunny walked over they knew what happened and they Knew how to stop it from there research, by splashing water! Luckily Violet had 3 water battle in her backpack; she closed her eyes and splashed water everywhere. It hit everyone and it went back to normal but Violet and Klaus asked some one for tape and a phone they could barrow and the person said yes. So,they taped the hypnotizer's eyes and body and called the police.They gave the stuff back and handed the hypnotizer over to the police. | |
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| Chapter Five | |
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