Chapter Seven

After Count Olaf got heaps of money from the fortune, I think he will have an opportunity to kill Violet and her siblings. So Violet and her siblings decide to smuggle, but fails. Next day , Olaf becomes crazy, so uncontrollably, he fetched a bottle and untucked a dagger from his cloth and started to wave , saying " I want the money! " So the associates had to calm him down. Feeling glumly, Violet's beady eyes became tired, so Klaus persuaded her to go to bed, and Violet blushed. Next morning, Violet woke up feeling glorious. But she didn't notice she had a blur on her face. Then she got an implication that Count Olaf will kill them. So she got fascinated on the subject, how to prevent killing. So hastily, hideous Count Olaf, tried to kill her again. Well, that was another incentive. But Count Olaf killed himself and Violet became very notorious.

The Baudelaire siblings didn't persuade but they had to give their fortune. Their was a incentive of money.When they had to give it to Count Olaf.the siblings looked at the beady eyes of Count olaf. It all became uncontrollably count Olaf was hideous it was notoriosthey were heaping. They just wanted to prevent it .
Kaus was reading a glorious book,it as fastinating.It was a good opportunity.He read some thing wierd so he blushed.He thought Count Olaf like Achlles's heel. Klaus smuggled the book, it was a implicated book.then Violet came reading other books , then Violet found a good book, she threw it to Klaus, Klaus fetch it they read it hastly and found about pepole like Count Olaf and how to do.It said to run away sob they ran.Count Olaf didnt take teir fortune.

After Count Olaf gets heaps of money from the fortune, I think he will have an opportunity to kill Violet and her siblings. So Violet and her siblings decide to escape, but fails. And they smuggled a note from the forbidden tower. Next day , Olaf becomes crazy, so uncontrollably, he fetched a bottle and untucked a dagger from his cloth and started to wave , saying " I want more money! " So the associates calmed him down. Feeling glumly, Violet's beady eyes became tired, so Klaus persuaded her to go to bed, and Violet blushed. It was 10 o'clock PM. Next morning, Violet woke up feeling glorious. But she didn't notice eyesight was blur. By looking at the note from the tower, she got an implication that Count Olaf will kill them. So she got fascinated on the subject, how to prevent killing. So hastily, hideous Count Olaf, tried to kill her . Well, Olaf's attempt to kill Violet was another incentive. But notorious Count Olaf killed himself with his dagger, and Violet became very happy.

Admin wrote:

Hi Harold. What you see below is a breakdown (sentence-by-sentence) of your essay. I've placed it this way to point out a few things that can easily be fixed if you review your work before submitting it. Look at all the bolded words. These are verbs. In order to have a cohesive text your verbs should match.

Missused vocabulary words:
smuggle > you must smuggle something or someone
blur > something which is hard to see
implication > something that is or can be implied
incentive > a reward for doing something that might not be very pleasant

Harold wrote:

1]After Count Olaf got heaps of money from the fortune, I think he will have an opportunity to kill Violet and her siblings.
2]So Violet and her siblings decide to smuggle, but fails. What are they trying to smuggle?
3]Next day , Olaf becomes crazy, so uncontrollably, he fetched a bottle and untucked a dagger from his cloth and started to wave , saying " I want the money! " Doesn't he already have the money?
4]So the associates had to calm him down.
5]Feeling glumly, Violet's beady eyes became tired, so Klaus persuaded her to go to bed, and Violet blushed. Why is Violet feelling glum? Why is she tired? A time frame is needed to make this story less confusing. Use time-order words and transition words to help make this story easier to read.
6]Next morning, Violet woke up feeling glorious.
7]But she didn't notice she had a blur on her face.
8]Then she got an implication that Count Olaf will kill them. How does she know Count Olaf wants to kill them?
9]So she got fascinated on the subject, how to prevent killing.
10]So hastily, hideous Count Olaf, tried to kill her again. When did Count Olaf try to kill her the first time? How does Count Olaf know that she knows that he wants to kill them?
11]Well, that was another incentive. What is the incentive? For who is the incentive?
12]But Count Olaf killed himself and Violet became very notorious. How does Count Olaf die? Why does Violet become notorious?

Rewrite your story fixing your mistakes

[quote="Harold"]After Count Olaf gets heaps of money from the fortune, I think he will have an opportunity to kill Violet and her siblings. [-1]So Violet and her siblings decide to escape, but fails. [1.]And they smuggled a note from the forbidden tower. [2.]Next day , Olaf becomes crazy, so uncontrollably, he fetched a bottle and untucked a dagger from his cloth and started to wave , saying " I want more money! " So the associates calmed him down. [3.]Feeling glumly, Violet's beady eyes became tired, so Klaus persuaded her to go to bed, and Violet blushed. It was 10 o'clock PM. Next morning, Violet woke up feeling glorious. [4.]But she didn't notice eyesight was blur. [-2] By looking at the note from the tower, she got an implication that Count Olaf will kill them. So she got fascinated on the subject, how to prevent killing. So hastily, hideous Count Olaf, tried to kill her . [5.] Well, Olaf's attempt to kill Violet was another incentive. But notorious Count Olaf killed himself with his dagger, and Violet became very happy.

This is a very good second draft Harold. Well done in trying to fix your problems. In this round of feedback I will point out three grammar mistakes along with three reading comprehension problems.

Look at your verb tenses. You begin with the present simple, move to the future, back to the present simple and then to the past simple. Choose a verb tense and stick to it.

[-1] Who 'fails'?
[-2] The use of the word 'implication' is incorrect.

[1.] I don't understand. What note? When did they go into the forbidden tower?
[2.] Why is Count Olaf going crazy?
[3.] Why does Violet blush?
[4.] How can she not notice her eye sight is blurry?
[5.] Another incentive for what?

After Count Olaf gets heaps of money from the fortune, I think he will have an opportunity to kill Violet and her siblings. So Violet and her siblings decide to escape, but they fail. And they smuggled a note from the forbidden tower. Next day , Olaf becomes crazy after drinking some wine, so uncontrollably, he fetched a bottle and untucked a dagger from his cloth and started to wave , saying " I want more money! " So the associates calmed him down. Feeling glumly, Violet's beady eyes became tired, so Klaus persuaded her to go to bed, and Violet blushed because she was embarrassed from her movements. It was 10 o'clock PM. Next morning, Violet woke up feeling glorious. But she didn't notice eyesight was blur. She thought she could not grt her eyes open because she was so tired. By looking at a secret note, she got an expectation that Count Olaf will kill them. So she got fascinated on the subject, how to prevent killing. So hastily, hideous Count Olaf, tried to kill her . Well, Olaf's attempt to kill Violet was the implication for Violet. But notorious Count Olaf killed himself with his dagger, and Violet became very happy.
So Violet gave the theater troupe an incentive to move out of the house.

After Count Olaf got the Baudelaire's fortune the orphans cried and cried while Count Olaf laughed and laughed. Then Count Olaf said "Ha, ha, ha you fouls just stepped right in to my trap!" Then he drank five more bottels of wine. Just then Klaus remember when sunny got hypnotized(see chapter 5).He knew how to hypnotize now that he read all about it in there nabours privite library. He hypnotized Count Olaf and made him go to jail. And Violet and her siblings lived with a Another part of their family.